How to save your marriage alone – A questions that brings anxiety, fear, frustration, agony, anger and dilemma…..Right? If your marriage is on brink of divorce and you seek for ways to save your marriage, then you have come to the right place.
Take a deep breath and realize this my friend your marriage is not over! As you read this article, you’ll be feel more confident that your marriage will be saved.
I have seen happy marriages struggle through internal and external causes. I have seen same marriage come back stronger, better and than ever. There are instances where couples have tried all possible means to save their marriage with little or no result.
As they say no one knows tomorrow same couple who were constantly fighting discovered the relationship of their dreams. I can understand, it’s not a walk in the park to save your marriage alone from divorce, when they continually repeat the same “D” word over and over.
The “D” word divorce kills the love inside out and breaks everything inside of you. Most especially if you’re desperate to save your marriage alone and keep a happy home. Like i said, couples never fallout of love. But where the problem lays is “sacrifice”. True love is determined by sacrifice of love, trust and emotions.
The shock and heartbreak in unbearable, a pain that runs through your mind in the morning and keeps you up late at night. You feel abandoned, alone and depressed.
You are not alone, there is hope and i will reveal how to save your marriage alone.
#1. Realize You’re Not The Only One Trying To Save Your Marriage.
It’s alarming that more than 32 million married couples are struggling with one form of obstacles in their married life every single day. The most comforting studies i found is that more than 87% of couples are eager and willing to save their marriage, which is simple an adorable thing for you too.
The main concern for these couples is finding the right solution on how to save their marriage from the brink of divorce. You may have both gone tried marriage counselling, but nothing worked.
It is found that around 50% of married couple who enroll to marriage counselling, sadly there marriage ends up in divorce about 10 to 15% experience attain considerable improvement, but still find themselves battling to save their marriage.
To Be Sincere Most Marriage Advice is Based on Theories
Most marriage counselors, researchers and psychologist have to come to realize that the main reasons why your spouse less willing to stay in marriage with you is not generally because they are cheating or found someone else.
And it’s not a function of lack of love in the marriage and it’s doesn’t mean they’re in desperate need of freedom and peace, due to constant fights and disagreements etc. It may be because remaining in the marriage make them feel miserable or depressed.
What needs to be done is getting to the root cause of the issue to identify what’s making them miserable or depressed and what measures you should take to heal that miserable feeling. So rather than pushing your spouse to get back happily in the marriage which actually pushes them further away, WHY NOT CURE THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM.
Why forcing or begging your spouse to change their mind, which in most case a no brainer, IT IS BETTER TO SOLVE THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM.
#2. How To Cure That Miserable Feeling is By Uncovering The Real Issues:
How you perceive each other has lot to do with the success of your marriage.
Many researchers and even couples believe if you can improve the communication you can solve most problems in your married life……..But that’s not 100 % true. The manner at which you communicate with each other signals the state of your marriage.
It is without a doubt that effective or improved communication between couples can solve most dire issues in your marriage.
#3. If You Want To Save Your Marriage Alone Move From You And Me To We:
Marriages on the brink on divorce are constantly facing YOU AND ME syndrome. Everyone is selfless and careless about the other partners feelings or opinion it’s all about YOU AND ME. Couples living happily together realized one thing to keep the marriage going is moving from YOU AND ME to WE.
Yes it is sometimes challenging at first, but does who master this act live the best married life.Without a doubt the real cause of miserable thoughts and emotions in your marriage is the YOU AND ME factor.
Anytime you have a fight or disagreements with your spouse using the you, me and I. Signifies signs of selfishness, pride and hatred. If you use the word ‘WE’ it refers to both of you whether it’s arguing, fighting or loving sitaution. It shows both of you are in it together.
The YOU AND ME syndrome distance both couples because it judges rather than love.
Note that getting into the WE factor requires persistent effort and understanding. It’s invisible but very true entity……..that can make or break your marriage.
Note that understanding the WE syndrome needs continuous effort and perseverance. Implementing these factor can bring about positive change in your marriage.
#4. Antidote for A Healthy And Successful Marriage
If you see the above Venn diagram it is basically a analytical representation of a healthy and successful marriage. If you study the above Venn diagram, it is a true representation of a healthy and successful marriage.
It reveals that when Accurate perception is matched with clear communication and instant action. This is for both partners, if you want discover how to save your marriage alone. Stick and act on these three core ingredients and see how your marriage is transformed for the best.
#5. Right Mindset Can Save Your Marriage From Divorce
Having the right mindset and perception is about understanding the nature of your spouse and the way they think and respond to issues.
But you need to realize we are all different in many ways. And recent researches finds that we get around 60,000 thoughts per day. It’s virtually impossible to accurately understand each other’s perception a 100%.
The best way to understand your partners thoughts and perception is to first understand their perception.
For example: It could be your husband, finds it difficult eating red meat at night, but it’s quite your favorite eating at night, so you cook it. Knowing this makes your husband angry and uncomfortable in spite of constant complaints you keep on doing similar thing.
Like you could imagine, he gets angry and seeing him in such a mood, you become angry the whole situation turns sore. The summary to this illustration is that person is not ready to understand the perception of the husband.
That is why it is critical to understand intentions.
No married couple enjoy fights or argue, but sometimes couples are pushed to the wall due to lack of understanding between one another which results in conflicts. Now to avoid such scenario, it is ideal to keep his words and keeping yours too.
#6. Save Your Marriage From Divorce Through Clear Communication
For you to achieve clear communication with your spouse, you need to nurture and develop accurate perception. If you allow any form of misconception to fister in your married life, your communication will be casual, clouded and ineffective.
For instance: I had a friend in college in his mid 20’s he always blames others for being angry with him. He believed in his subconscious mind that whatever he does people find it appalling and get angry on him.
This was a wrong perception he made himself believe, in fact there are several people who like his personality But since he allows his mind to reflect on negative perception about himself, he continues to do so.
In order to achieve clear communication with your spouse, you need to spend quality time with your spouse. Can you recount how many times in a day you spend with your spouse and talk about what affects your marriage positively such as love, happiness and prosperous things.
How often do you fight and argue with your spouse on basic things that are totally avoidable in the first place…. It’s a GAME CHANGER if you look about it seriously.
It is found from research lots of couple spend at least three and half minutes talking together per day on an average, which reflects a red flag in itself. This is not sustainable to grow a successful marriage. You need to create quality time our of your busy schedule to talk to your spouse.
Believe me, it will go along to promote deeper conversation and emotional unveiling will automatically increase.
The bitterness, grudges, fights and conflicts will melt away slowly from your marital life and your communication will be much better and clearer.
#7. Right Action Can Stop Divorce and Save your marriage:
Right actions can come into reality, when both partners care after each other’s comfort and needs.
Once you make your spouse comfort, your number one priority in the marriage. Everything changes instantly for the best. You immediately move from the YOU AND ME to WE.
It creates a positive ripple effect on your spouse and marriage. Bringing stability and balance. Lets take a scenario: Your husband is drinks alcohol quite take feels pleasure in it. Seeking for your spouse comfort doesn’t mean you encourage him to continue the act.
Right thing is create right balance that will serve the relationship for better.
You have step your foot down and resist such behavior and advise him to drink occasionally. This is a clear example of right action. However, right action builds the couple relationship and help them deal with life issues.
This is a great way to Save a marriage from divorce by following these three cardinal rules.
#8 Stop Unnecessary Arguments:
Argument is normal for any marriage relationship, the purpose of argument or discussion should be for the overall benefit of the marriage. How do you define argument? Argument occurs two individuals with different background and mindset trying to convince one another of being right.
Most times it is exhausting and unproductive “war-of-words” with no conclusive. It is vital to cease any argument or else it may leave the marriage in a bad state.
Argument can only be productive when two people are ready to accept their wrongs and move on to make adjustment. Note everybody is different and has the right to his/her own opinion. What may be right to you, could be totally wrong for your spouse, because they view things differently.
However you must not always agree to your spouse submission, the only thing is to understand his view point, kill your ego and move on.
Believe me that doesn’t mean they’re right and you’re wrong. It clear states that you value your marriage than winning the argument.
#9. Encourage One Another It is Great Tip On how to save your marriage alone:
Encouraging and sweet complimentary with one another is very key for the success of your married life. It’s the oil and lubricates the engine of your marriage. By complimenting you build each other self confidence and love as a whole.
Remember you hold the key make or break your marriage. By complimenting you strengthen each other flaw’s and weaknesses. Which is paramount for the success of any marriage.
When the argument rages on with your spouse, it builds a brick wall between the married couples. The choice is yours to make in your married life. So you want argument or compliment. Note only one can stay out of the marriage.
#10. Carrying Each Other Along In Decision Making:
It is hard to separate selfishness from human. It’s natural and inbuilt in human, But it is a red flag in your relationship, when a partner becomes too selfish and distance from your intimate relationship.
To say the least, its always all about you. How you feel, what you should gain and so on…
If you want to save your marriage from divorce and make it work, take decisions that will mutually benefit both partners. This has a ripple effect on the relationship as you both value each other desires.
#11. Closing The Door On Second Chance:
In the early 80’s the National Survey of Families and Households carried out a survey for 645 couples who confirmed their marriages as “unhappy”. In 5 years time, another survey indicated that partners who agreed to give their marriage a second chance rated their marriage experience as “happy”
Quite often you need to take a deep breath and have faith things will work out.
#12. Not Knowing Your Partner Body Language.
If your spouse is seeking for a divorce and you have had a word with them. Don’t giveup and feel that they cannot change their mind, or that you can’t save your marriage.
What you need to do is take a step back and give them a week or two to reflect on their decisions or getaway from any negative emotions.
This is not the time to point fingers on your partner. Rather walk up to your spouse and tell them how you feel and why they should reconsider their discision and save the marriage.
#13. Stagnate Love Life
An experience marriage counselors with good knowledge on how to save your marriage, will tell that no matter how fracture the relationship may be, most couple still have concern and respect for each other.
Because out of the many suitors that came you way, you choose him/her based on their quality. These qualities should be the foundation to re-ignite and save your marriage.
If you look closely those qualities are hidden in plain sight, all you need to do is light it up.
#14. Ignoring Your Own issues:
We all have our individual issues. That’s life.
This is different from issues between you and your spouse, but mainly issues related to any emotional baggage you might have carried to the relationship that lead to cracks in the marriage today. If you are taking a break for the weekend, take time and reflect on this issues to yourself.
Then find the right time to talk over it with your spouse and slowly admit to it. Also it is important if you want to save your marriage that you should avoid blame game or fault finding, most especially if your spouse becomes verbally angry or abusive.
While couples who finally understand how to save a marriage will say “it takes two to tango,”.
#15. Not thinking you can save your marriage alone:
This is one part couple mix up things regarding saving a marriage. Believe only one partner can make the difference, if only he/she knows the right steps to take.
While it’s a fact both partners have to accept for any divorce proceeding to take place, one partner alone, if properly motivated can turn the tide around and save the marriage from divorce.
The reason being, when you start to do things your spouse loves and remembers them of how it used to be in the past. They will be gradually change in character to compliment your new found love and begin a new and exciting relationship..
This is a fantastic step to save your marriage, when you feel all hope is lost.
#16. Be a Peace Make When conflicts Arise:
If you and your spouse find it difficult to come to an agreement and constantly end up in shouting matches, each time your walk out, calmly request your spouse to cool down, so you could both manage the anger and negative emotions and focus on healthy discussions to solve the issues at hand.
If you’ve already taken your cooling off period and it seems like you always end up in
#17. Do You Listen To Your Partner?
How often do you listen to your partner, when there are ongoing issues. Anytime things start boiling up in your marriage and no one is listening to one another. It is best one of the partner calm down and listen to what the other have to say, no matter how you may feel at that point in time.
This makes your spouse pour out their feelings and lift off that burden. You can now understand their point of view and respond in a manner that solves the issue at hand.
#18. Express Your Inner Feelings To Your Partner:
As stated above, aside remaining calm and listen to your partner, you should also express the feelings inside you.Otherwise, it will be difficult for your partner to understand your perspective
Sometimes, expressing your frustration and difficulties with a person you love and have vowed to stay for the rest of your life is not easy. So utilizing the service of an elderly person or marriage counselor to assist in such exchange provides a conducive atmosphere to open up and have healthy discourse.
#19. Try To Shift Ground And Compromise:
The ability to compromise and shift ground in your relationship is instrumental the success or failure of the whole the situation. How much each partner is able to find a common ground and accommodate to the other person’s opinion can save their marriage from breaking up.
You should remove pride, anger and resentment and be open to your partners views and ideas.
#20. Stop The Blame Game:
Blaming your spouse on every single issues that occurs in your marriage only damages the fabrics that binds the marriage together.
The character traits is quite addictive and is unknown to the partner partaking in the act. This will only cause more disconnect and he/she may find it reluctant to try and fix things.
#21. Spend Short Time Apart To Reflect on Your Marriage:
If you marriage is on stormy waters. It might be a great idea to spend some time apart and reflect on going issues in your marriage and give you space to organize your feelings and thoughts.
This is a different approach that a lot of couple may not be aware off. Taking a short break might be the missing puzzle to save marriage on the verge of divorce.
If atmosphere in the marriage is tensed up and stressful. Taking a short trip away from each other for a while may be the antidote to reevaluate the marriage and put it in the right step.
#22. Master The Act Of Forgive And Then Forget:
Keeping grudge and malice with your partner can be toxic to yourself and relationship in a whole.
There will be misunderstanding and mistakes every now and then, but if you master how to forgive and forget your partner for any wrong doings. It will lift your heart burden and reflect positively on your marriage.
It is advisable not to remember past wrongs your partner might have done. Forge ahead in a clean state of mind. If you keep on reliving past issues anytime your spouse annoys you. This will only make things go worse.
#23. Discovering Common Goals:
Discovering any common goals shared between you and your partner is one way to save your marriage alone. A marriage counselor can help in this instance, or in some cases elderly married couple in your neighborhood.
Now, lets FOCUS our attention in this area. I am revealing the 3 C’s one of the better approach on how to save your marriage alone.
These 3 C’s is a skill we all have inside of us. It’s just that we ignore or don’t know how to use them wisely in our lives due to resentment, ego and anger.
The first C is “Calm”. Why Calm, the answer is simple because without staying calm, you’ll unconscious react and respond to every of your spouse’s emotions.
In fact, you will become exhausted emotionally that your response will only resonance words of bitterness, pride and hate. Often people believe they can control their emotions and not react. But when the arguments get to it’s pick, they can’t resist to leave a piece of their mind.
This is the opposite side of being calm. You panic and everything spills out. So it is important you make a decision and commit to stay calm, even if your spouse pushes you beyond the limit.
Also people say they had no choice than to react. They say he pushed the last “chill pill” button and there is nothing they could do. There lays one of the reasons divorce is on the rise around the world.
They allow their emotions take total control. Is it wise to march into your boss office with rage yelling and causing a scene because of an unattended issue? Probably not, but we lash out on our spouse like that all the time.
It is important to note that we are the masters of our emotions. We choose not retaliate when someone beats the line, we choose to be civil to the police officer that pulls you over while driving with traffic.
We choose to remain calm and not create a scene, when a restaurant staff dumps a glass of water on you. I know that may sound cheesy! But you get the drill…You can train your emotions to obey your mind and thoughts.
Being Calm needs practiced on a daily basis and it cannot be faked. Mastering this act can help you save your marriage from divorce. Also. that means that you are taking care of yourself – getting some exercise, eating appropriately, getting adequate rest, practicing calming techniques, and pursuing some interests.
#25. Be Consistent:
The second part is C. one of the common problems dealing with issues on a marriage, is that we often move to one direction, then the other way, then turn to the next direction.
We need to make up our minds and try a certain path long enough to see the effectiveness. When you come with another bright, wait for a while to see how the initial plan worked.
Don’t be a haste to see instant, I understand, the situation in the marriage may be critical. That’s the reason you need to be mindful of your actions.
Stay consistent and in control. Take a path and stick with it.
Your spouse may be on the watch to see if you have really changed. Your spouse will be wary of your motives and brainstorming and pondering what you’re up to. Sometime feel you are trying to pull a fast one on them. Don’t prove them right. Be consistent. One fact that needs to be the focal point is to “save my marriage.”
#26. Be Constant:
Here come the third C. Never give up, if you don’t see result initially, keep moving forward, pray to God to strengthen you as walk through this muddy water.
Don’t worry at the state of your relation, you lose the battle, but win the war. Keep your mind steadfast trying to save your marriage, that’s your ultimate goal.
Being constant mean acting upon your set out goal every day, and not fall short the other for a couple of weeks. You don’t start your efforts, then stop your efforts (even when your feelings get hurt), then start again, only to stop again. You keep it up, on a regular basis, as part of your plan.
Being constant means that you keep it up. For as long as you have to, until you prove the marriage is worth saving.
This can be very frustrating, so you need somebody to talk to. You need to have a close friend, someone who can listen to your frustrations and keep you on track.
This does not mean that you tell the world. In fact, in the section on what not to do in the midst of a crisis, I warned against telling more than one or two people.
I want to reiterate that here. Choose only one or two trusted people to tell. If you have support, then it is easier for you to stay constant in your process to save the marriage. The last point that I would love to share is about reactions and causes that trigger them.
If you want to learn how to save your marriage from divorce then you also need to have control on your reactions.
# Bonus Content on How to Save a Marriage:
#1. You can start working on your marriage immediately to fix it: Formal marriage counseling can take a long time to help you save your marriage.
You may have to wait a few weeks for your first appointment, and traditionally meetings only take place every week or so.
So six weeks from now, you may have only spent four or five hours in meetings or counseling sessions and you may still be looking for root causes of your marital problems. You may not be looking for solutions yet.
You’re still feeling a lot of pain and stress and you’re still living under the shadow of the “I don’t think I love you anymore” announcement.
#2. You can decide what issue you want to work on first: You and your partner are the only two people who really know what goes on in your relationship.
You know what the biggest problem is for you, personally.
You know the changes you’d like to see in your marriage. It’s also likely that you know the changes your spouse would like to see.
By taking things in your own hands and trying to do things on your own, you get to choose what relationship dynamics you think are most important and want to change.
#3. It’s easier: When you have two or more people on a committee, a car trip, or even in a family, making decisions is a more complicated process.
The more people who need to agree, the more discussion is required to reach consensus on a decision or a direction to take. The more discussion you require, the more likely it is that you will argue along the way or even fail to reach agreement.
When you go it alone you can decide what you want to concentrate on. As a self-employed friend of mine says,
I believe it’s an awesome practice but not so easy to implement. But if you seriously include it in your married life? you can shift your relationship status in amazing ways.
I believe this 26 points if implemented correctly can ignite positive hope and light in your married life. The only thing is be patient, don’t give up and have faith in GOD.
Last but not the least if you really care about your marriage and want to resolve your marriage issues before it gets too chronic.
I would love to recommend you something that has helped thousands of married couple to bring smile on their sad faces again. If you can trust me WATCH THIS FREE VIDEO HERE and take action if your heart believes in it and if you really want to find out how to save a marriage.