In this article, we’re going be talking about arguing, conflict and fighting in marriage. Disagreements and I’ll tell you what in our household, we have a lot of disagreements because we both have strong personalities.
We both have a lot of opinions and we tend to be forceful about our opinions sometimes. Because they’re right, mine are, yeah. So we had to learn how to communicate effectively through those disagreements so that we come out better in the end, closer in the end, not distant.
I have layed out some helpful tips and steps to show you how to turn your communication with your spouse from fighting to just great conversation.
First we’ll start by talking about the difference between fighting and disagreeing. Disagreeing happens all the time. It’s okay to have a different opinion than your spouse. Right?
No, not true, so, a fight though, is when you allow those disagreements to go undiscussed and you kind of stuff ’em down and then they kind of build back up until you have this, like breaking moment and then you have an emotional outburst.
And you’re like, “I’m fed up. I can’t handle it anymore.” And then you just – throw stuff? All the things that have been building up that if you had talked about them as they came up, it never would have built up to that point of erupting and so the key is to communicate often. When you have a disagreement, talk through it.
Don’t let it build up and get to the point where it’s no longer a disagreement, now it’s just an all out fight. Here are three steps to work through that communication process, to prevent a disagreement from turning into a fight. Do I read to the make up part yet? No that’s at the very end. Ahh. Slow your roll.
Step #1: Ask Yourself Some Questions. Why Are You So Upset?
Right, I have to ask myself that. What’s really on the inside that’s bothering me in the situation? I think, sometimes, we can just be irritated, be frustrated, have a hard day and we take it out on each other.
And, you know, it’s not necessarily something that needs to end up in a deep discussion but then there’s times when it’s like we really need to talk this out.
Here’s the thing. I learned that when I’m really upset and my emotions are getting in the way and I’m either really angry like, throwing a laundry basket angry or really emotional, like crying, blubbering and he can’t understand the words coming out of my mouth emotional.
If I write it down, it helps me to clarify my thoughts, makes it easier for me to communicate to him exactly what’s going on and what I need him to do to help me. When I see it, I see, I get past all those tears and snot and screaming and all that kind of stuff that happened.
And, you know, throwing stuff. I’ve never thrown anything. – One time, I threw a laundry basket and not at him, just, I like threw it down on the floor. It’s so, anyways, you could see those sentences and it just brings clarity.
For me, it’s like, “Oh, okay. You need this.” or “You need that.” It just makes it really, really easy and simple, breaks it down and it’s like, “Of course I can fix that.” – Yeah. – Right?
If I get that the next day, there’s no argument attached to it. There’s not emotions that are heated to it.
Step #2: Talk It Out:
You’ve gone through all the effort of calming down your emotions and writing down the pointers and next thing is to find the right time to really talk it out with your spouse.
Not right after work. Not first thing in the morning. When everything is calm and silent. When kids are entertained or in bed. When you’ve got some free time. When you can really start talking through and hashing out stuff without interruption, that’s the best time to talk it out.
And here’s the most important thing, it’s not just about getting your thoughts out, it’s about your spouse having the chance to respond with something like, “What I hear you saying is…” Or “When you say this, it makes me feel like I’m not doing a good job.” You have to allow time for both of you to be able to share openly so take time to listen as well as share.
Step #3 Always Make up
That’s right, it’s really important that when all is said and done, you’ve talked, you’ve cried if necessary, you worked through your issues, you’ve come to an agreement, you’ve compromised, you’ve decided that you’re going do less or do more or whatever it is, that you’ve come together.
For cuddle time and it doesn’t have to end in cuddle time but affection guys, you have to seal it with affection. If I’m like trying to bear my heart and soul to you, and you’re like, you know, broke to me that, “Can we make out yet?” I’m going to be like, “We haven’t loose off this yet, brother.”
We talked about fighting. We talked about arguing. We talked about resolution. You know, cuddle time has to lead a resolution.
Hey there… today I want you to ask yourself a quesion:
How is your marriage going?
Be honest…how is it actually going?
You’re reading this right now, so chances are your marriage isn’t going very well. It’s not what it used to be and maybe it’s so bad, that you feel like your world is falling completely apart. You feel like all the passion, the love, and romance have completely faded away.
You feel like you and your wife can’t stop yelling at each other. And maybe you feel that there’s almost nothing you can do to save your marriage, no matter how hard you try.
But the truth is… YOU’RE WRONG! (sorry to be so blunt)
You CAN save your marriage — even if your wife says she wants to get a divorce.
You CAN rebuild that passion you felt for one another when you first kissed.
And you can bring back that love and devotion you felt for one another when both of you said, “I love you” for the first time.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favor and watch this quick video that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world.
Most couples will never learn how to fix these 3 simple mistakes… but now you can!
You’ll also learn a simple, proven “Marriage Saving” method that makes marriage counselors look like kindergarten teachers. So if you feel like your marriage is about to take its last few breaths, then I urge you to watch this quick video:
Make Your Wife Adore You Again!
You’ve got nothing to lose.
All the best,