Have you ever felt like your partner is more of a roommate than a lover or spouse? Maybe you two make a fantastic team getting the laundry done, going to the grocery store, getting the kids to and from school, but it doesn’t feel like a relationship.
Today, we’re talking about what happens when you feel emotionally checked out of the relationship. After all, the loneliest feeling does not come from being single, it comes from being married or living with someone, but feeling alone.
You may love your partner, but you don’t really like or feel connected to them anymore. If you’re feeling like this, it’s likely you’ve been together for some time. Your relationship has become stable and comfortable…maybe even too comfortable.
During this time, you get stuck on autopilot, and it’s easy to leave the relationship emotionally.
Here’s a few signs you or your partner has emotionally checked out.
1) Your Partner No Longer Values Your Judgment Or Attention:
They may stop asking you for your input on work struggles or how to discipline the kids. They may even do things that they know you don’t like – like leaving the dishes in the sink or clothes on the floor.
2) Your Partner No Longer Wants To Engage With You Or Seems More Distant:
If you ask, “You okay? What’s the matter?” They have vague responses like, “Oh, just work,” or, “I’m just tired.”
3) Your Partner Is Defensive Or Passive-Aggressive:
saying things like, “Nothing I do is good enough,” and, “You fight me on everything.” This is when dangerous levels of resentment are building up in the relationship.
4) Your Partner Seems More Focused On And Interested In The Kids:
When children are involved and there is emotional distance between you and your partner, you begin focusing more on the children.
This is not healthy for you or the children. The children may get an exaggerated idea of how important they are to the relationship’s survival – feeling an intense guilt if the relationship fails.
Marriage must be stronger and tighter than any children born into it, or it has a greater chance of failure when the kids are gone. The amount of distance in a relationship varies by couples and their relationship style.
It’s a personal preference – neither is right or wrong. What’s important is that you have an emotional connection. Unfortunately, when couples first begin feeling disconnected in a relationship, they don’t automatically seek help.
They postpone it or distract themselves from their feelings – trying to fix the situation by having another baby, taking on a new project, or maybe planning an exciting trip.
Typically couples tell themselves, “It’s not a big deal. I mean, after all, everyone’s lonely sometime in their life.” But make no mistake – a chronic sense of feeling alone in your relationship is one of the underlying feelings that cause couples to split.
Before these feelings develop into an affair or divorce, let’s reset your reaction. Here are three ways to help you feel less isolated in your relationship.
First, ask yourself if you really want this relationship. Talking to a licensed therapist can help you gain clarity. Part of your loneliness could be a disappointment in your own expectations.
Are you expecting your partner to satisfy all your needs? That would be unfair and unhealthy to expect anyone to fulfill ALL your needs for emotional connection.
Your partner may sense you feel stagnant in the relationship or are afraid to tell them. They may be withdrawing to purposely protect themselves.
Second, talk to your partner about how you feel. Does your partner know you feel unloved or distant? No one can read your mind and acting out by having an affair won’t help the situation.
Finally, are your beliefs about money, sex, or faith getting in the way of an intimate connection? Couples who are fighting may project the anger from a disagreement on to the conversations or situations.
The distance you feel is actually about conflicting beliefs. If you talk about them, it will help bridge the distance and resolve the issue. Humans need love, acceptance, and security to grow and evolve. You never outgrow the need to be loved nor should you. Remember, change your reaction, change your world…
Now in conclusion, there are a number of reasons why marriages lead to divorce… and many of these variables are controllable. So if you would like to learn more about how you can prevent divorce and save your marriage today, then you MUST watch that free video presentation on my website at MarriageGuy.com.
And be sure to watch that entire video to the very end. In it, you’ll learn the 3 “marriage murdering mistakes” that most couples make that ruin their chances of a happy marriage.