Meaningful and healthy communication is a key component to a thriving marriage, but it takes work and commitment. Unknowingly we can become too familiar with one another and become careless with our words and
actions and inadvertently hurt our spouse’s feelings.
When we get our feelings hurt, we become distant and less likely to communicate in a healthy and productive way. So we are caught up in a negative spiral of assuming the worst of each other, and every discussion becomes a fight.
How do we keep ourselves safe from falling into this common marriage trap? Husbands, these are 5 ways you can unintentionally break your wife’s heart:
1. Speaking harshly to her and about her:
This behavior is very critical and emanates from bad communication habits and builds up over time in a marriage. We have to respect one another and never speak harshly to our spouse or talk bad about our spouse-even, if we feel justified.
We must learn tolerate and treat each other with love and respect, both inside and outside the walls of our home. Harsh words never reaps anything good, but builds a wall between us and making you feel unloved and insignificant.
Husbands, know this, if you are in the habit of yelling at your wife or use demeaning words towards her, please put a STOP it. This negative cycle can be stopped, when you choose to focus on the good and start speaking in a loving tone towards her. My husband has so wisely said,
The tone of your words becomes the tone of your marriage..
If you’re having trouble doing this, I highly suggest that you both invest time in working on your communication in your marriage. If you still struggle with this, i highly suggest that you take some time and work on your communication in your marriage.
2. Lack of meaningful conversation with her:
This happen quite often in marriages, as we see husbands shy away or avoid meaningful conversation with their wives, simply because they are “short of words” for the day. Meaningful communication is very important to your wife and it could take an extra effort on your part.
Whenever your wife asks about your day, she doesn’t mean to interrogate you. She only wants to connect with you in every aspect. She wants to know everything the good, the bad, and the ugly. Going forward when next she asks about your day, let your response not be “It was FINE” and then turn over to the TV entertaining yourself.
Engage more with her. This little daily conversations allows both of you to have a better understanding of what’s happening in each other lives. Give her all the attention she needs at all times.
3. Making plans without talking to her first:
My husband and I had talk sessions with a number of couples, who experienced similar issue and it boils down to one thing PRIDE. You’ll hear some husband say, “Well, I’m a grown man. I shouldn’t have to ask my wife if I can go somewhere.”
As are married, we become one. There’s is no more “his” and “hers” it’s OURS. And includes our personal ambitions and schedules. We must consider our spouse whenever we make plans.
It’s as easy as saying, “Honey, some of the guys are wanting to get together and watch the game this Wednesday night. Do you care if I go?” This is one simple step of consulting her FIRST, will help your wife know that you put her in ALL things and you respect her opinions and thoughts in ALL matters.
99% of the time, she’ll probably say, “Yes! Go ahead,” In some instance she could remind you that you both have an urgent agenda to take care off. Either way, she’ll feel loved and respected by consulting her first before before making your own plans, and this will keep your marriage strong.
4. Sustaining your own sexual needs by using porn:
We get several messages every single day from wives who are heart-broken after discovering that there husband have been watching porn. Dear friends, let it be known here, porn destroys marriages. Yet, so many husbands- not omitting Christian husbands, struggle with this sin in secret.
This is a silent evil and you may feel that it’s harmless and that nobody is getting hurt, but that is a lie. Porn is addictive and pollutes the mind to desire things, that no one can fulfill, and it creates a mindset that your wife is less desirable and less sexually fulfilling.
Whenever you go back to porn again and again and again, you stop sexual intercourse with your wife. Then, she’s left in mystery worrying why you never want her anymore. And, the marriage seems lifeless you just “exist” with a sexless marriage, while you satisfy your own sexual needs with porn. Sound familiar?
Husbands, if this speaks to you, please be rest assured you are not alone in this struggle. But continuing in this habit will destroy you and your marriage apart, if you don’t seek for help or stop it immediately.
First of all you need to commit yourself to God and pray to break free from such evil attack. Also let your wife know that you’ve been struggling with this. She needs to know what is going on, and she can be a great help to you in providing encouragement and accountability in this process of healing.
5. He doesn’t say “Thank you” because he assumes She knows he’s appreciated.
According to research done by a bestselling author, Shaunti Feldhahn, both men and women feel the need to hear the phrase “Thank you” as much as she desires to hear the words ” I love you”. Both partners have a need to feel appreciated. Husbands need to celebrate the best in her instead of pointing out the worst in her.
The more we become more intentional with words and actions, the better our marriages will thrive. Husbands, ponder about each of these five things and do your best to make the adjustments needed. When you do this, your wife will feel loved and respected by you, and your marriage will soar.
If you have observed many of these signs in your spouse lately and you have a sense that things just aren’t normal in your marriage, then I advise you act fast and turn things around now before it gets any worse!
The ideal place to begin is by watching this free video by marriage guru James Bauer… he clarifies where you’ve been going wrong and what you should do to make your spouse fall back in love with you.
Next Steps : What to do from here:
Let me state something up here first… simply because your spouse might be showing a few of these signs does not necessarily indicate that they want or is preparing to file a divorce. It may simply be that these are signals your spouse wants a divorce.
But if you have observed many of these signs in your spouse lately and you have a sense that things just aren’t normal in your marriage, then I advise that you act to turn things around now before it gets any worse!
The ideal place to begin is by watching this free video by marriage guru Brad Browning… he clarifies where you’ve been going wrong and what you should do to make your spouse fall back in love with you.
All the best and good luck !