When someone you love betrays your trust, it can feel like a hopeless hurdle to overcome. But the truth is, with a little tender love and care, and dedication from both spouses, it’s completely possible for your marriage to survive infidelity.
In this article, I’m going to talk about how to overcome cheating in your marriage. Before we get started it’s important to note that before any progress can be made in repairing the marriage, the unfaithful spouse must first end their affair.
Once that’s done, both spouses must commit to repairing the damage, rebuilding trust, and working through the following steps to save their marriage and emerge stronger on the other side. Here they are:
#1. Openly Talk About The Affair:
In order to move past the infidelity, its important that both partners are given the opportunity to share their feelings and get the insight they need to move on.
The betrayed spouse should ask questions about the things they need to know. For example, how long did the affair last? Was it sexual or emotional? What was the extent of the lies that were told to conceal it?
And is there any risk of an STD or pregnancy? Although they may have the urge to learn the x-rated details of the sexual encounters, they shouldn’t ask.
Instead of causing more unnecessary pain, keep the focus on the relationship, not the affair. Its also important that the unfaithful spouse shares the thoughts and feelings they had that caused them to cheat. Doing so will help you both understand the underlying problems you face.
#2. Practice Honesty and Work on Rebuilding Trust:
Its crucial that spouses provide all details honestly and completely, and take the steps necessary to prove their trustworthiness. Even though telling the truth can be tough, it’s been proven that couples heal better after an affair if the adulterous spouse supplies all of the information requested by his or her betrayed partner.
If you never discuss it, you cannot recover. A willingness to talk about the affair will rebuild trust, but if you leave out details and they come out in the future, then your spouse will feel betrayed all over again.
Another great way to work on rebuilding trust is by making sure that your actions match up with your words. For example, if you say, “I love you,” back it up with loving actions. If you say, “I want our marriage to work,” then commit to being monogamous. There is nothing worse for your partner than to find out they’re being lied to.
#3. Patiently Face Your Feelings:
Infidelity has a devastating impact on a marriage, but if you can stop and fully feel the heartache, you will be surprised at what is possible. Once you face your feelings and give yourself time to process them, they will begin to shift.
Its true you’ll never forget the affair, but with time, the painful memories will begin to fade. The single best indicator of whether a relationship can survive infidelity is how much empathy the unfaithful partner shows when the betrayed spouse gets emotional about the affair.
It can be frustrating to hear the same things over and again, but it is important to be understanding of their feelings. After an affair is over, a couple has a window of opportunity to fix what was wrong and make their marriage better than ever.
However, the emotional reactions that are left over from the affair may stand in the way. Its important that spouses takes healing seriously and don’t try to rush their recovery. Grieving together can help you let go of what’s lost to make room for your future together.
#4. Learn To Deal With Resentment:
Once a husband and wife agree to work towards rebuilding their love for each other, you may think that that all would be forgiven.
While that may be the case, its not likely that all will be forgotten. Since a spouse’s unfaithfulness is one of the most painful experiences anyone can have in life, its not uncommon for couples to find that the memory of their spouses affair haunts them even decades after it happened.
Although the resentment caused by an affair can push couples to consider ending their marriage, most affairs do not lead to divorce. In fact, most spouses try to reconcile, and usually succeed.
That said, even after a successful reconciliation, resentment is a feeling that will linger on and on. At times you may feel you’ve overcome it, but unfortunately it is something that will return time and time again
#5. Do things together:
Couples that spend time together and have shared interests recover from infidelity much more quickly and effectively. Make a point to discover or rediscover things that you can do together that you both enjoy, its a great way to spend quality time together, create new memories and become more emotionally intimate.
By keeping busy, you and your spouse will have less free time to sit around and dwell on the affair. Trying new activities and exploring new interests together will also give you both the chance you need to reconnect. 6. Recommit yourself to the relationship.
The emotional fallout from infidelity can take years to heal, but if you want to stay together, then act like you do. To help you recommit to the marriage, think back to when they first met or got married. How did you fall in love? Why did you get married?
What did the relationship look like back then? Now, think about the future you wanted to spend together, your plans to enjoy retirement together, travel and enjoying family activities.
What does that look like?
#7. Seek Professional Help:
Often times, couples dealing with infidelity will choose to attend counselling together. Talking to an outside third party can give you both the help you need to understand the unmet needs in your marriage, and it can also speed up with the healing process.
That said, it does take time. If you’re still on the fence about councelling but would like to start repairing your marriage today, then visit www.MarriageGuy.com to watch the full length video presentation.
I hope you enjoyed the article and are feeling confident about overcoming the issues in your marriage. If you have any questions for me in regards to anything I covered, please feel free to post in the comments below and I’ll do my best to get back to you.