Most common marriage issues I help my coaching clients with is related to argument. Arguing, fighting, bickering with your spouse… we’ve all been there, every married couple argues from time to time.
But when these fights get too frequent or too heated, they’re often a one-way ticket to divorce. Thankfully, there’s some great news: in this article, I’ll give you 6 simple, effective tips and techniques that will allow you to put to STOP these toxic arguments and ensure they don’t continue to damage or destroy your marriage.
Let’s get started with one of my favorite “Dispute Defusing” tactics, which I’ve mentioned in a few previous videos because it’s so effective.
Technique #1: Use The 30-Minute Rule:
Angry at your spouse about something? Ready to flip out and start screaming because of what they did or said? Or maybe your spouse has started the conflict and you’re ready to fight back.
Well, hold up a second. Actually, hold up 30 minutes. Why? Well, I can’t tell you never to get into an argument with your spouse. If you disagree, if you need to stand up for something you believe is important and worth discussing with your spouse.
Okay, fine, you can and often should do so. But before you do, wait 30 minutes. Don’t do anything special in that time, other than to avoid talking about the problem with your spouse or even just avoid talking with them at all for half an hour before you begin the discussion.
That 30 minutes will often be enough time to give you some perspective and decide it’s not worth fighting over. Or it’ll help you cool down and let the emotions settle, so you can start the discussion in a civilized, adult manner and prevent things from getting out of hand. The next one is actually closely related to the 30 minute rule.
Technique #2: Take A Time-Out:
If you find yourself in a heated argument with your spouse, then the 30-minute rule isn’t really an option… but you can still take action to make sure the fight doesn’t continue to escalate, and that the emotions don’t end up with either you or your spouse resorting to yelling, personal attacks, and so on.
Basically, you need a way to lessen the intensity of an argument if it’s getting out of hand and giving yourself a time-out is an easy way to do that. Basically, you just need to take a short break during a fight with your spouse to calm your nerves.
Now, don’t just simply walk out of the room without explanation that might make your partner even angrier, but you can tell them that you need to take 10 minutes to think about things and calm down before re-engaging in a more respectful, productive discussion.
Not only will this help to calm your nerves, but this will help to calm your partner’s nerves as well, meaning it works for both sides of the argument.
Technique #3: Take Responsibility For Your Role In Disputes Or Problems Affecting Your Marriage:
Hate being wrong? Too proud to admit you might also be part of the problem? Me too. Trust me, I understand that it can be very tough to admit that you’re wrong about anything.
When you’re in a heated argument, sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture or start focusing only on “winning” rather than the real issue at hand or the affect the argument might have on their partner’s feelings.
Sadly, researchers have proven that the feeling “being right” or ‘winning’ is never as satisfying as you make it out to be in your mind. Instead of trying to win arguments with your spouse, try instead to focus on seeing things from your partner’s perspective, and then aim to come to a positive outcome of some sort, even if that means you need to swallow your pride and “lose” because you realize that your partner has a valid concern or that this is something very important to them.
Easier said than done? Yes, but constantly reminding yourself to take a step back and try to see your spouse’s side and then admit to being wrong or accept a “loss” when it’s necessary to maintain harmony in your marriage is definitely going to help.
Technique #4: Use Humor And A Positive:
Light-hearted attitude to defuse tension. As I just mentioned, it’s easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment when you’re arguing with your significant other and at times things can escalate and become toxic, marriage-threatening fights, even when they initially started over something very minor that shouldn’t lead to a huge argument.
If you’re able to recognize when this is happening in an argument with your partner, humour can be the best way to defuse things and bring back some perspective. You should be careful using this technique when the discussion is about something serious or ongoing…
Or if you’re fighting over something that’s very important to your spouse. But a lot of the time, a joke or a light-hearted self-deprecating comment and a smile can really calm things down and bring back perspective.
As long as you don’t downplay the issue and make your spouse feel like you’re not taking them seriously, cracking a smile or a joke is a great way to cool things down when arguments get heated. And lastly.
Technique #5: Spend Quality, Positive Time Together:
When you and your spouse are getting into frequent arguments. I don’t think this last one needs much explanation, because it’s pretty simple the more you and your spouse spend time arguing, the more you need to spend quality, enjoyable time together to balance things out.
When you finish a big argument, and things have settled down, suggest something to your spouse that you do something fun together the next evening.
No need to make it a big deal, just make sure you make a concerted effort to share some positive, romantic, and enjoyable time together if you and your spouse are arguing often.
That’s the last Dispute Defusing technique I have for you, but you can get access to my full Mend the Marriage program right now in less than 5 minutes if you’re ready to start improving the state of your marriage.
Visit www.MarriageGuy.com and click on your gender to see the full details, and learn more about all my other proven Dispute Defusing tactics that I wasn’t able to cover in this article.