Are you starting to see any progress in your marriage?
If you are frustrated with the lack of success in solving your marriage problems, there may be some key reasons why that is happening. In this article, I am going to tell you 5 of the top reasons your marriage problems aren’t
going away, and where there is room for improvement in your approach. Of course, there are a lot more reasons, but I will share with you the 5 top ones.
In no particular order, these are:
Reason #1: My Partner Won’t Listen To Me:
That’s a good one, and when your partner decides they don’t want to listen to your begging, pleading, and promises, there is still something you can do. I get emails from customers most days asking me how to get their partner to listen or take notice. The answer??
Instead of focusing on all the sweet nothings that you believe your spouse wants to hear, direct your attention towards what actions you are taking. When a marriage is in crisis and trust is lost, your actions, the loving things you do to show your partner you care and love them, are going to be what really gets their attention.
I’m going to come back to it again, the one thing you cannot do is change how your partner acts. However, you do have complete control over how you choose to react to them. You have the choice to pin all your hopes of future happiness on your spouse, making them feel as though you need them in order to continue, or you can empower
yourself to take responsibility for what is happening to you.
Instead of pleading and letting your stress overwhelm you, I want you to do stop what you are doing, and smile. Think of something that brings you pleasure. Think of a time when you felt relaxed, calm, and at peace with your place in the world. Smile, noticing how it feels to smile and how the muscles in your face feel. Then take a deep breath.
Now consider how smiling made you feel. Are you the type of person that someone wants to come back to? Are you the happy, positive, empowered person that has a lot to offer a relationship? I want you to be someone who is easy to be around, in an effort to rebuild trust.
Love your partner through your actions and the example you set. If you are able to be a calm, clear, and loving soul, the loving actions you show to your spouse, even when they cannot or will not reciprocate, is going to inspire.
Reason #2: I’m Worried That I will Try It and Fail:
What they don’t realize is that avoiding making any effort in a bid to avoid the pitfalls of failure has already made failure a certainty. If you don’t try, the very thing you fear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some of our most prolific achievements have taken place against all odds, yet the benefits of that glimmer of hope is enough to sustain the efforts of scientists, humanitarians, and inspirational figures the world over.
If saving your marriage seems too high an obstacle, aim for something smaller. Have one nice thing to say to your spouse every day. Do one loving act that reminds them of your love and support. Plan a night together where you can
simply be in one another’s presence without fighting. Share a drink with them. Touch them or hug them. Tell them about something good they have brought to your life.
Together, these actions may seem insurmountable, but one step at a time, one thing every day or every week, and all of a sudden achieving some of these small goals becomes possible. Never give up your belief of the existence of
Reason #3: My Marriage Is Too Far Gone To Save
If you don’t believe that saving your marriage is even possible, it’s going to be really hard for anyone to help you. I have seen a number of couples turn things around from seemingly impossible situations, and create marriages that
are even stronger than before. How does this happen? One of them refused to give up on the possibility.
Instead of focusing on preventing the split, something in fact that you have no control over, I ask you to simply love. Forget about pleading, begging, and manipulating them to leave. Instead focus on making the last few days or weeks of your marriage one that can be remembered for the love you offered and shared.
That’s the strange thing about love. You don’t have to get love back. You can simply love someone, even if they have decided that they don’t want to love you. It’s never too late to love someone, even if they have shifted out. Love isn’t
just about having someone with you. Love isn’t about having someone to control. Loving someone isn’t about needing to be loved back.
Once you are able to grasp this reality you will be able to lose your fear of losing your partner. It’s never too late if you believe you can still love your spouse.
Reason #4: My Situation Is Too Complicated:
The only thing that’s complicated about people’s marriages is the way they choose to see them. Our lives can be as simple or as complicated as we choose to make them, and my challenge to you is to see your life and your marital situation with some clarity. Can you narrow the trivialities of your everyday life and arguments into some core
I want you to put the everyday details to one side, and think about the themes behind most of your problems. Do you arguments always seem to be about the same things, follow the same patterns, and the same result happens, again and again?
Do you know what the core issue is in your marriage crisis? Does your partner know what the core
issues are? Do you agree on what the marriage issues are? Have either of you spoken about the best way to
approach and overcome the issues?
If you tell yourself it’s complicated, it’s because you are choosing to see it that way. Of the thousands of couples that experience marital difficulties, almost all of them can be narrowed down to a key set of basic themes or areas.
Every situation can have aspects of it that make it unique, but the general themes or principles behind what is happening to you can be explained. There may be more than one problem, but knowing where to start and which issues to start working on is where counselors, self-help books, and our course can help.
The journey to marriage success may be a long one, but it all starts with one step.
Want to know more keys to transformation in your marriage? You can learn much more about the steps
necessary to recreate love in your life again, and get it right this time.
Check out Save My Marriage Today at:
That’s all for now,
Yours in marriage success,