As you continue reading, we’re going to step inside her shoes and learn what your wife is thinking and what internal obstacles are keeping her from coming back to the marriage.
WARNING: Don’t be discouraged!
The purpose of these lessons is to give you a realistic idea of where your wife is at right now. We have to get this negative stuff out of the way before we can get to the positive stuff, ie. What you can do to change her mind.
1. She Resents You:
Right now there is no doubt that your wife has built up a big dose of resentment towards you. Not all women will express this resentment as hatred… Sometimes it will come out as pity or coldness… But it will always be there.
This resentment is the result of years’ worth of frustration. It’s the result of countless unsolved problems.
She has convinced herself that it’s YOUR fault that these problems haven’t yet been solved. And the truth is, she’s at least a little bit right. But, that’s not important right now.
What’s important is the effect that this resentment is having on your wife. Basically, resentment allows her to distance herself from the marriage. It’s like a defense mechanism that protects her from feeling differently about you while justifying her decision to leave.
And that brings us to the next point, which is…
2. She Already Made Her Mind:
And now she’s sticking to it. Let’s step inside the mind of your wife here. Imagine you feel like you’ve dealt with the problems in your marriage for YEARS.
Imagine that you’re starting to lose hope, that you’ve slowly stopped believing the marriage can be saved. You never WANTED to get divorced. You never thought you’d be that type of woman.
And yet, here you are… You’ve come to a point where you realize that you’re the only one that’s going to try and make yourself happy, and there’s only one last resort left. So, you make a really tough decision:
You decide to leave.
She’s decided she doesn’t like you. She’s decided she wants out of the marriage, and that’s that. What you have to understand is, this decision was not easy for her. It was very, very hard. And now that she’s made the decision, she’s committed to it.
It’s going to take a LOT to get her to change her mind. It’s not impossible, but it’ll take a lot.
3. She Doesn’t Believe The Changes You’re Making:
So, let’s look at where we’re at. Your wife has a lot of resentment. And your wife is committed to the decision she made.
If you were in your wife’s shoes, and your husband suddenly started making all the changes that you wanted to see in him months, if not years ago… What would be your reaction? Would you suddenly change your mind about the marriage at the first sign of improvement?
Or, would that resentment you feel – that wall you’ve built up – make you pessimistic about the long overdue changes that your husband is making?
You probably don’t need me to answer that question.
Right now, your wife does NOT believe in you. She doesn’t have faith that the changes you’re making are permanent. In her eyes, you’re just desperate and trying to get her back. She believes that as soon as the marriage is back to “normal”, the changes you’re making now will fade away.
Heck, maybe this exact pattern has happened before. Maybe you HAVE changed in the past, and after she gave you another chance you went right back to old habits.
Either way, she doesn’t believe you’re being genuine. She hasn’t bought into husbandly leadership yet.
But, she will.
All the best and good luck !